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These are certainly some interesting expressions, eh?

*Note: this is a personal & private analysis of Disney’s Frozen publicized SOLELY for the purposes of humor and entertainment. These views are my own and do not reflect the thoughts or intentions of the filmmakers of Frozen or any affiliates of Disney or its divisions.

**Potential spoiler warning: while I tried my best not to let any plot-revealing elements slip through in this post, there might be some scenes/themes revealed that could potentially serve as spoilers. If you’ve yet to see the movie, please precede with this in mind.

So who’s seen Frozen? Some? Most? Awesome! Let’s dish!

Namely, how outright perverted the trolls are. You read that right: PERVERTED! Let’s investigate:

Though our encounters with these rock-like beings are rather limited (two scenes, to be precise) this is more than enough to illustrate the foreign-and-alien majesty of their ways. However, the outright social awkwardness isn’t really spotlit until the second encounter (after all, the first time we “meet” them is more a framing device that (1) they exist and (2) they’re well-versed enough in magic to “fix” and “explain” enough of (the future) Queen Elsa’s condition/powers). Within this scene we find Anna, stricken by her emotionally-shaken sister’s ice magic to her chest/heart, being led by her recently discovered escort and burdened ice delivery man, Kristoff, to the trolls he’s called family since his informal adoption (seen in the first encounter over a decade earlier). The trolls, excited to see a human woman beside their comrade, immediately break out into song about how perfect the circumstances are for the two to be romantically involved (despite the “flex arrangement”–as they call it–of Anna’s engagement to Prince Hanz ~ who is at that moment preoccupied with traveling to Elsa’s ice castle).

Firstly, let’s consider the casualness of one of the trolls when, upon “opening up” and revealing themselves to be more than just rocks, they approach Kristoff and attempt to undress him. There’s a very instant sense of “Why are you clothed?” Almost just as strange is Kristoff’s reaction. He doesn’t seem innately reluctant for any reason OTHER than Anna’s presence. Explanation: it’s what’s come to be expected in their moss-carpeted & steam geyser-heated village.

This, however, isn’t exactly as taboo as one’s initial reaction might be. After all, we’re talking about a village OUTSIDE of the kingdom that isn’t even occupied by humans. Not all humans practice the same customs in other regions, and these aren’t even human beings! So can we truly shun them for having an otherwise unconventional expectation of their adopted brother/son/nephew?

Then the trolls break into song… and things get REALLY weird.

(Feel free to watch the MUSICAL SEQUENCE and/or READ ALONG WITH THE SONG with these two videos from YouTube)

The bulk of the song’s message is admirable: Kristoff–and EVERYBODY else, for that matter–are flawed, but a great deal of those flaws are nothing when weighed against how lovable he is. However, when one begins to dissect the lyrics being whizzed by us in a glorious flurry, one begins to pick up on some… shall we say “questionable” themes/messages:

“So he’s a bit of a fixer-upper;
So he’s got a few flaws:
His peculiar brain, dear;
That thing with the reindeer,
That’s a little outside of nature’s laws.”

Wait… WHAT? Okay! Pause! A peculiar brain we can all side with–right?–everyone’s got their quirks, but there’s to be an understandably larger chance of issues when one has been raised by trolls for more than a decade! More than a decade…

A decade of going from a young boy to a grown man–of surviving the trials and tribulations of puberty–with little more to go on than the support of his rock-family, his reindeer-slash-business partner, and whoever he briefly encounters in his day-to-day ice delivery service. Budding sexuality and all…

“That thing with the reindeer that’s a little outside of nature’s laws…”

Since when is having an animal companion outside of nature’s laws? What is it that they’re trying to tell Anna here?

You know what? Maybe it’s better that we leave Kristoff and Sven to their personal devices and move on.

“Is it the way that he runs scared?
Or that he’s socially impaired?
Or that he only likes to tinkle in the woods?”

What??

Even Anna seemed a bit taken back by this tidbit. But it’s okay, Kristoff is a mountain man, right? Where else is a mountain man to pee, right? Might make sense if he’s developed a preference for the outdoorsy experience when nature calls rather than using the trolls’ bathroom… er, outhouse… er, wait?

Do the trolls have a bathroom? I mean, call me crazy but all I see is woods! Where else could there possibly be to…

No. Just no.

Moving on!

“Are you holding back your fondness,
due to his unmanly blondness?
Or the way he covers up that he’s the honest goods?”

Now this particular line wouldn’t exactly be due cause for any perked eyebrows except that he’s being held up–crotch aimed squarely at Anna–and framed inside a group of trolls standing in the shape of a heart with that “Why are you clothed,” air about the group during that last line. So what are they TRULY talking about when they say he “covers up that he’s the honest goods?”

If we’re talking covering up personality traits with a brutish “exterior”, that’s one thing, but then why is there this ongoing drive to get him out of his clothes? Why the simultaneous spotlighting of the poor, blushing bastard’s netherregion WHILE talking about “the honest goods”? Especially following a line in which they called attention to something they directly refer to as “unmanly”; challenging not only his appearance, but his very gender? Are we TRULY talking about his mind at this point, or are the trolls trying to tell Anna that, though he might APPEAR to be lacking as a man, he’s actually surpassing them and simply opts to conceal what they seem to continuously attribute as a feature which is a sin to be hiding?

Just what’s going on in that troll village??

This aging (and most certainly NOT prudish) Disney enthusiast is wondering if a visit to such a village might bear some “interesting” stories to tell. One thing’s for certain: I wouldn’t be spending one bored moment in their village.

Innocent scamps? Insatiable tramps… I’ll be trollin’ the trolls either way!

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